Category: The Secret Life

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I might forget your name – but Jesus’ won’t.

This article is dedicated to those who forget or confuse names and places easily, and who in trying to remember someone’s name can’t get another out of their head. Batman made an appearance in one of my recent services. Because I had called someone Robin by mistake.
Not a great image to have in your mind during worship – By Greenway Productions-producer of both the television series and the 1966 film. – eBay itemphoto frontphoto back, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=105593132
Once again, I continue to thank God for the new people that the Lord is bringing us, who are making Queen Street their spiritual home. My challenge is how I get to know you all. I need to be honest and share how I am absolutely terrible with names. It is something that I find deeply humiliating and difficult, because I love people and feel like an absolute idiot when I cannot remember someone’s name when I am facing them, or in passing conversation I get names wrong. My sister, who is a psychologist, says that I have dyslexia. It is more of a family joke but I suspect there is some truth in it. There is also a level of ADHD there. Yes, I am high functioning (I think people who have doctorates have to fall into this category). I am not a great reader – my attention span is short (research reading is different from novel reading). Whilst I don’t struggle with spelling, I do get place names confused. It is a cognitive weakness.
I remember on one occasion, when Ro and I were living in Yorkshire, we agreed to meet each other – she would do the shopping, and I would meet to help her pack, at Morrisons. That was four miles away. I ran to Tescos – which was four miles in the opposite direction. By the end of the day I had practically run a half-marathon. (And yes, I still can’t remember whether I have the names of the supermarkets right). In formal settings I tend to be fine, but those of you who see me at work in the vestry – say before a baptismal service – will know how carefully I sit there and write the names of the child and the parents – again and again, on every page of the liturgy. It’s the same with a wedding and a funeral. We all find our coping mechanism – but it is when we are off script that we find our weaknesses. And there are people who have it far, far, far worse than me. I mean, here I am writing quite naturally. You would not know. Unless you agreed to meet me somewhere and I had not written it down. I live or die by my diary! Fortunately mistakes happen rarely – but it shows when things are informal or when I am rushing. Getting days and dates confused when I am firing off e-mails rapidly is another one – but we all correct ourselves.
About a month ago, in a moment of hilarity, whilst confidently leading worship, I managed to rename Paul Abel – who was sat at the front – ‘Robin’. I did it not once but at least twice. The eyebrows usually give it away, followed by (once it became impossible to ignore, the question. ‘Who is Robin?’ – since ‘Robin’ was about to lead us in prayer. Thankfully we are a close family at Whittlesey, and I feel so loved and valued, so acknowledging it was easier – but I did feel like a right muppet. I know why my brain went where it did: Robin was the name of Paul’s former minister, who I talked with some time back. However, during the seconds that followed the only word association I could get if ‘Robin’ was not ‘Robin’, was ‘Batman’!) Thankfully I did not blurt this out. The conversation with my wife that followed was interesting. She is a saint. She keeps me grounded, and I don’t ask her opinion if I am looking for a soft answer but on this occasion she conceded that I did manage to pull things back from the brink. My concession afterwards; ‘I might forget your name Paul, but Jesus won’t!’ seemed to come from nowhere. And despite my human frailties, and my embarrassment, we were back on track. I think this was more of a prophetic utterance than due to any quick thinking or creativity on my part, since I was utterly vulnerable and more open to the Holy Spirit. I might forget your name but Jesus won’t. Just think about that for a moment.
This brings me, conveniently, to a point where I can focus on what we are about at Queen Street. I have been around for long enough to know that the mark of a loving church is that you can be open and vulnerable, and people will embrace you. That despite our weaknesses – and we all have weaknesses – people love us for our strengths, and for what we bring to the church community. People are asking me why we are growing at Whittlesey. I don’t have an easy answer apart from to say that as a church we know what we are about – who we are here for, and why. I also know that whilst I have a role, everyone gets that we all have a responsibility to nurture each other. We are here to lead people to Jesus, the one who knows our name, knows us, and has a purpose for our lives. Making disciples makes church. It does not work the other way round. And so this is why, even though the formula is simple, we are holding our revival service on the week after Pentecost. What we have is previous. We have a place where God is bringing healing in so many ways. Do come along. Do bring a friend. We will share the gospel. We may hear some testimony. We will offer prayers for healing and wholeness. We will make sure we give people an opportunity to give their lives to Jesus. We cannot lose. We cannot fail. Because God’s purpose is in this, and in all that we do. We simply need to be open to God. In a sense, it does not matter how many make it, or whether it is about renewal or first-time commitment. We are being faithful. And if you can’t be there, praise God that you will be where God needs you to be – with family and friends etc, and do please pray for those of us who are.
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We Believe: Churches Together in Whittlesey and District. This is what we stand for.

The statement below reflects Churches Together in Whittlesey and District’s ongoing understanding of how God is calling local Christians and churches to support each other in partnership. It is the culmination of a year’s reflection, as our shared values have surfaced through prayer, conversation, and action. (I write as one of the local ministers who is part of this group, with a sense of gratitude as our jouurney has unfolded).

The desire for churches to work together has renewed following the Covid-19 pandemic, as leaders have recognised that we can understand the needs of our community more by conferring with each other, and in certain areas we can have a far greater impact by working together and supporting each other, than working alone. We are One Body with congregations meeting in different times places, to accomodate different needs. My earlier article, ‘Churches Together, What’s the Point?’ highlighted that whilst there is considerable warrant on us striving towads gathering for shared worship, an alternative starting point – and arguably the more fruitful route in helping people discover the joy of journeying together – rests in shared mission. Whereas encouraging congregants to ditch all their morning services to gather in one place for worship is a challenge, sharing in mission, with opporutunities in different times and different places, may be more achivable. It also is highly relational; we then join for a joint service not because there is an ecclesiological edict to do so, but because we are connected to our friends in other churches and enjoy fellowship together. (I should say that we have had some success in joint worship, but the trust of my argument remains).

We Believe is not intended as a credal statement. It is a creed of sorts, fashioned around Jesus’ prayer for the disciples that they should be One, supporting each other through the hardship that is to come once Jesus is taken from them, and as they face persecution in the future. Its starting point is therefore about how we value each other, and how we relate well to each other, irrespective of the differences we share. We Believe, in my view, determinedly emphasises our common faith in Christ. It asserts boldly some key theological drivers.

If the Good Samaritan was good not just because he was caring enough to tend to the wounded man, but because he had the capacity to love the person that he had most likely been conditioned from birth to hate, then how much more should we be obliged to support our fellow Christians? Should not the love of God blow apart our differences?

God has called us as Christians (rooted in and living out our discipleship as part of a local church), to mission. There will be times when by working in partnership we can achieve more than if we work alone. To resist this is to work contrary to God’s purposes.

Whilst we regret the conflict that has existed, and remains (sadly in some areas) between Christians of different denominations, we celebrate the richness of our traditions, and with that our diversity. God would have us listen and learn from one another. Whilst we might yearn for increased unity, we recognise that diversity is a part of life, and for the sake of peace, and the Gospel, we must learn to live with contrasting convictions, and where we disagree, to disagree well. Our conflict must never obscure our shared belief in Jesus as Lord, and the mighty truth of the death and resurrection of Christ. (This, I must confess, is part of my Methodist identity, having surfaced as part of our ongoing discussions around human sexuality).

There is no place for self-interest and self-preservation in the life of the Church, as if we promote the life of our own church first and disengage in our support of others. There is no room for the fear that members from one church will leave for another down the road who is more appealing. The core task, for us all, is to discern and meet need. Our focus should not be so much on doing the work of the church, but on doing the work of the Kingdom, from which the Church, and local churches are birthed. We are not called to serve so much in our church, but in God’s Church, and it is God who has domain over what this looks like locally. Focus on building the church and we will be dead in the water. Focus on making disciples, and affirming constantly that we want them to find a spiritual home, a church, where they can be loved, love others, and fulfill their potential, and God’s blessing will come our way, irrespective of where they go. If your church has a reputation for nurturing people, it will grow. And we all have the capacity to nurture. What one person loves in worship style and approach will be different from another. (I won’t reveal my preferences but there are some churches that will uplift me, and leaders who I know I can always turn to, but by the same token, I know that there are churches that will not sustain me for where I am in my life right now. That is a good thing, not a bad thing. It is all part of the mix.

And finally, at this moment in our history, and whilst affirming the importance of conscience and freedom of religious belief and expression, as churches, working together, we need to assert ourselves in the fight against discrimination in all its forms. In this present hour, our concern continues for racial justice within the Church, and for the Church’s voice in affirming the dignity and human rights which should be afforded to those who are part of the LGBTQI+ community. In this respect, to remain silent would be to perpetuate, in some contexts, the untruth that the church is die-hard traditional, unconcerned, uncaring, and out of touch with reality. In respect of LGBTQI+ issues, whilst many within and outside the Church will appreciate that our debates will be multilayered, emotional, and complex, the more urgent message for us to relate is that as God’s people, we have compassion and we are clear about what we do stand for where human rights are concerned.

Below is the statement ‘We Believe’, agreed by Churches Together in Whittlesey and District.

We Believe

We believe that Jesus Christ is Lord and that He died for us, and that God raised Him from the grave by the power of the Holy Spirit. That same Spirit is at work in us.

We believe that Jesus’ desire for us that we would support each other, in remaining faithful to God and to each other, through the joys and sorrows of life. We are disciples travelling along the same road.

We believe that God has a mission to save the World from sin, death, and all that enslaves us, and that as Christians and local churches, we have our part in that mission.

We believe that by supporting each other in our discipleship, and the work of our churches, we can do more than if we were to walk alone. To this end, we assert that to work in isolation, where the possibility of partnership exists, is contrary to God’s will.

We believe that diversity is a part of life, and that inclusivity is an act. We embrace the diversity and richness offered by our individual traditions. We have much to learn from each other. Whilst our Churches may differ in certain areas of doctrine and practice, God calls us to live with contrary convictions, and where we disagree, to disagree well, in such a way that does not undermine the gospel.

We believe that God calls us to build the Kingdom, rather than to focus on building our local churches, but that in working for the Kingdom, our local churches will flourish.

We believe in One Church, which is God’s Church, of which we all share a part. We celebrate moments where this unity becomes visible.

Churches Together in Whittlesey in District affirms the Churches Together in Britain and Ireland’s focus on racial justice, the fight against discrimination in all its forms, and in particular whilst respecting the rights of conscience and religious freedom of belief for all people, stresses the dignity that should be afforded to those who are LGBTQI+, and affirms their human rights.

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The Secret Life of a Methodist Minister. Day 1251. The Vice-President’s Visit.

Caramac: None, but I must confess that owing to bad eating habits and a lack of cycling, I have put weight on. I have discovered waistcoats are an effective means of holding in the padding, leading some people to suggest I have lost weight. Am dieting now though. Can eat as many Muller Light yoghurts as I like. Found out the reason – there is virtually nothing to them! Alcohol consumption near nil – apart from Champagne after graduation. Illness: battled the lurgy with everyone else post-Christmas. Enjoying the days getting longer now.

The Vice-President of Conference visited the other week. She came to look at some of the work we are doing in response to poverty and social justice issues. It was an informal daytime visit. As I suspect is the norm with these things, the day she was free was the day where we had nothing happening in the circuit that she could visit – if we were to be sensitive to the feelings of those who we serve. In the end, this worked in our favour. Rachel will have been escorted around countless Foodbank distribution hubs and community centres, so we had to think hard about what aspects of our work would give her a glimpse of something that was different. On reflection, we began to see that some of our most valuable and impactful work is done in partnership. However, how things have come about, who takes the lead in different areas, how it all fits together, and who does what, is unique. The Winter Night Shelter is a good example, and the opportunity to look back, explore how things started and compare this with where we are now, was deeply moving. We ended up transporting Rachel across four locations; Westgate New Church, where representatives of the staff and CLT gathered for prayer, and Lesley shared something of the specific challenges of city-centre ministry. We then moved on to the Charteris Centre in Welland, joining with Deacon John and other community leaders to talk about how we had been able to support the needy. Finally, we visited Dogsthorpe Methodist Church where Sue and Arnie Hensby were gathered with representatives from each of our three churches who are involved in Night Shelter. What struck me was the extent and depth in which we were able to talk about the realities and practical challenges of our work; about how some of our community leaders and politicians have questioned the need for Foodbanks and refused to associate with them (to do so is to accept that there is a problem and that one has a responsibility to try and alleviate it); about the fact that homelessness is such an acute issue in Peterborough – and our understanding of why this is; about how some of the measures taken by the council (such as housing families in a Travelodge) are helpful in one sense and ‘tick a box’, but do not solve the wider issues of how people cook and clean for themselves; about how poorer communities often lack the resources and expertise to qualify or apply for grant funding.

At the same time, I was mindful that whilst our circuit could offer significant insights, we also needed to hear from Rachel. Rachel shared a great deal in conversation. However, what I remember most is how we felt seen, valued and affirmed through her listening, and how she sought to understand the challenges that we face by trying to view ministry from our perspective.  I also felt proud of the team here in Peterborough. As they described the nature of their work, in turn, I saw a real unity in calling and purpose, despite our differences in personality, giftings, and how our work is focused.

Sometimes we think that a President of Vice-President of Conference as being loaded with superhero executive power. Certainly, they have the capacity to hear what is happening in one context and ask probing questions in another. If a President or Vice-President asks ‘Are you altogether sure about this or that?’ you would be wise to reflect seriously! Even so, their main function is a representative one. They represent the wider church to the local, and vice-versa. Perhaps then, there is a superhero power at work, but it is brought about by being open, attentive and listening to others, where the primary task is to affirm and to understand why people feel the way that they do. I think that the South Africans have a word for what is happening here – ‘Ubuntu’. It is a philosophy whereby ‘a person is a person through other people’. It relies on us recognising that despite the differences that we may have with each other, we often share the same core values and aspirations. I am not convinced that as disciples, we always live like this. There is a dangerous tendency that we become self-protecting and isolationist, and that our churches become like enclaves. Conflict can all-to-easily be defined by ‘us’ versus ‘them’. Connexionalism is a powerful antidote to this. We are defined not simply by what we believe, but by what the whole Church believes. We are not defined simply by our own experiences, but the experiences of others. Differences enrich us, rather than divide us. We live life whilst being attentive not simply to our own perspective, but that of others. That way, when we struggle, we find that we are supported by friends, rather than having no one to turn to because we have made enemies. How great it is to be part of a Church and to know that as a family here in Peterborough we have friends who live at the other end of the country, who will reach out at a moment’s notice, to help in any way they can. How great that it is to be part of something that is bigger. How great is it to pray for others, and know that people are praying for us. How great it is to know that we can learn from each other, and that we do not have to do all this stuff feeling that we are alone in the world.

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The Secret Life of a Methodist Minister. Day 1062: The need for Good Samaritan politics.

This article was originally written in October 2016, but has been added only recently to the blog as a Secret Life Article…

Hectic September-October, Remembrance soon with us, writing at October end and deeply troubled by Donald Trump. Have not been doing enough cycling. Amazing things happening in the circuit. Great Circuit meeting, if not longer than usual. What is the appeal of Donald Trump? I, like I guess most people, do not fully understand the political landscape in the U.S. I understand that for some, the choice between Trump and Clinton is rather like voting to be hit by a train or a bus.

 When I look at the debate it seems to me that Clinton is doing much the same as my younger sister when we were growing up. We were both as bad as each other, but she had that knack of provoking me so I would react, and then looking all innocent in front of my parents, meaning that I was the one who got into trouble. As I write the election has not taken place but one thing is for sure. Trump, with his brash and bulldozing sensationalism, is making it easy for Clinton. When I listen to what he has to say, I can reach no other conclusion apart from the fact that he is both sexist and racist. Put it this way; what would other people think if I talked as he did? At the same time, I am quite sure that Clinton is no angel; she has her own questionable corporate sponsors, very little e-mail savvy (using her family PC to send security sensitive mail was “extremely careless” according to the FBI, as was err, losing them); some people feel that politically she is what she has to be in the moment.

 As we approach remembrance I am reminded of how politics – and with it, our world view – becomes so easily framed as ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, as if there are no grey areas. Whilst our political systems begin with a broad base of options, in time we are often forced to choose between extremes, neither of which are satisfactory. This is fed by rhetoric; our enemies are bad but we are good. In some sense, it is helpful for politicians to unite people against a common foe rather than focus on their own injustices. Often they create our enemies for us and we follow – like sheep. But I am also reminded of how Jesus sees through the rhetoric and challenges his contemporaries about who the real enemy is. He points, on numerous occasions to the Samaritans (who were despised by the jews) and shows how at times, they are a far better example of what it is to love your neighbour. And he certainly never said, ‘Let’s build a wall.’ In this season of remembrance may God grant us the grace to think independently, resist the temptation to follow the crowd, and to speak out against political manoeuvring when we see it. It does not just happen in government buildings. It happens everywhere.

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The Secret Life of a Methodist Minister Day 1034. Bike Light in the Dusk

Summer over. Kids back at school. Bike intact. Me intact. Dark in the evenings. Slippery underfoot.

Biking in the dark, even when you have a super-duper LED front light and a flashing red one on the rear. Not all of the Peterborough cycleways are lit, so you come to rely on your front light especially. There are some lovely blue LED lights sunk into the ground near Orton Mere – presumably to prevent cyclists from falling onto the river. It is surprising how vulnerable I feel (never a bad thing) when riding in the pitch black. I am on the lookout for two things; first, where the path is headed (which sounds easier than it is in reality because in the dark you travel slower and therefore the features that you look out for in the daytime don’t appear as quickly as you expect. What looks an obvious path in the daytime – where for example there is an intersection, is not so obvious at night. Meanwhile, the other hazard to look out for is wet leaves. The combination of all this at once can be quite disconcerting.

I find something quite profound in all of this. John in his gospel reminds us how Jesus says that he is the light of the word. We are reliant on him, just as I am completely reliant on my front light on a bike. I am also struck at how, whilst Jesus is the light of the World, the disciples still struggle to find their way. Just like the light on my bike, God gives them enough to find their way, but not so much that life is easy. As we travel, we take care. We can see the path, We are on the lookout for obstacles. We have a final destination in mind. The timing and scenery can be strange, unsettling even. But we journey on. For long periods there can be nothing else to light the path. Then we might be relieved as the path opens out – and the streetlamps take over. Of course, God could, if He wanted light the entire way for us. But I am not sure I would like that simplicity. I actually enjoy the journey. I enjoy a challenge. I even enjoy having to focus on keeping my balance rather than being preoccupied with the ‘worries’ of work.

When I think about how God is leading us as a circuit, I get the same feeling as I do when I ride at night, It is a curious mix of planning a route, breaking it up into stages, looking out for the waymarkers that say you are on the right track, and accepting that we live with the tensions of having enough information, but wanting to know more! And we do it because ultimately it is fulfilling and enjoyable. Is God calling you to do something new? Be encouraged and take a step of faith. God has great things in store.

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The Secret Life of a Methodist Minister Day 1043. The examination

Snoring unimproved

Fell of bike en route to the staff meeting. Went over a level crossing in the wet, at speed, and learnt a valuable lesson. The derailleur was bent. My ministerial colleague picked me up in his car. It’s at times like this you discover what supporting each other means -and how isolated we can become in the absence of the Church. My wife was more worried about me than the bike. I had a few scrapes and bruises, but my pride was intact. Got back on the bike two days later.  All OK.
Holiday went well. Am catching up on leave at the moment, which is a bit frustrating because of course the work does not stop, but I am reminding myself, as I do with our staff, that we cannot call others to balance work, rest and play unless we model it ourselves.

Had my viva (oral exam) for my doctorate the other day. Passed with minor corrections! The corrections have to be done within three months but I think it will take me about one. I don’t think that there were that many. They will write to me. All I know is that from the minute the examiner said, ‘we are delighted to tell you that’, I was holding back six years of blood, sweat and tears. The whole process was like Dragons Den with two examiners whose role is to look at your work, look for the weaknesses, pull it apart before your very eyes, question why you did this or that, or think this or that, and find ‘the limits of your knowledge.’ You want it to be hard because you want to know for yourself that you know your stuff. On the other hand, it is a bit like wanting to have your teeth inspected as the dentist prods around, finds a hole, asks whether it is sore and then recommends a filling or two, a scale and a polish!  The whole experience has been hugely rewarding. I started on the course because I wanted to be a better minister. To do a good job you need to know how the Church works; what you can do, what you can’t do, and you also need to be aware of the lessons of the past. My research was on the fundamental question of what helps churches grow, and how the Methodist Church can nurture its new congregations. One short answer is that we need to remember the reason why the Methodist Church was formed, and why still exists today. We are called to declare, in word and action, the good news about Jesus Christ. Jesus promises life in all its fullness. Through Jesus Christ, God, our Father in heaven, forgives our sin. We are released from the guilt and burden we feel. Through the Holy Spirit God does a work in us, as He shapes us into the people he calls us to be.

I think that secretly, some of us are nervous about that message. We don’t preach it enough. We assume that everyone knows it. We are wary of declaring it, of being proud of it, because other people believe other things, and because we don’t want to cause offence. But God is not asking us to force the message on people who don’t want to hear it. Or disrespect people who disagree with us. God asks us to share the message and to invite people to join us. God calls us to love.

What all this adds up to is that whilst churches can enrich communities in an innumerable number of ways, unless we share the gospel with them, in conversation or through small groups that explore the issue of faith, we are doing them a disservice. The Church is about faith. Not just fellowship. Not just tea and cakes. For example, the scones at Elton’s Strawberry tea were amazing. I don’t usually like scones but I did not want anything too sweet. I don’t usually like scones – but I was converted to these. But our job is to convert people to more than cakes. The cakes, as I have said before, are a step in the right direction though!

 

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The Secret Life of a Methodist Minister Day 977. So much good news.

Snoring and having to spend occasional nights in the study to allow Ro some undisturbed sleep.
Cycling is going OK getting fitter but ‘comfort’ issues remain. Methodist Standing orders to not outline any regulation for appropriate dress in the case that ministers cycle. Have avoided luminous shrink-wrapped chicken look to date.
Visited NHS dentist after 2½ year wait, but encouraged that I only need one filling.

The circuit meeting took place last night. I had a round of applause for finishing the main business in under an hour and a half – whilst covering some really significant points about our views on working ecumenically. The response to our report on supporting the Baptist Church in their efforts to plant a Church opposite Tesco’s in Hampton surprised me. We countered head-on two problems – that we rarely admit to – when members of local congregations are invited to work in partnership with local churches. First, why should we invest time when we are struggling ourselves. Second, what happens if the other church pinches all of the new people we bring along. Our response has been to say that whilst such insular thinking appeals in the short-term, in the long-term it denies the gospel, and works against us. God calls us to focus on doing the work of the Kingdom, and our growing experience is that the more we do together, the more we will benefit individually as well. I was taken aback by how this seemed to more from being received as an important statement, to being received as a prophetic statement that we need to fulfil.

When I announced that we were at the end of our main business and that we would move on to news from around the circuit, there was a round of applause! I was not sure what that meant, although I think that it is good when we have meetings that are focused, and when we feel that we are talking about matters that are crucial. The news from across the circuit was, yet again, encouraging, exciting, humbling (when I think about how much people are doing), and above all a testimony to the fact that when our churches take a step of faith and do something different – despite any nervous concerns – it pays off. Yaxley’s Queen’s Birthday Celebrations, Crowland’s two Messy Churches where over fifty people attended, Dogthorpe’s eleven young people who want to attend 3Generate, Whittlesey’s Anniversary Celebrations, Ewan’s news that he intends to abseil off the top of Peterborough Cathedral for their building fund (sponsorship would be welcomed), and Nigel and Grahams planning of Paul Wilson’s visit to the circuit in January 2017 (Paul is the leader of Methodist Evangelicals Together) – with people already offering to support with funding. And these are only the few that I can remember whilst I write.

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The Secret Life of a Methodist Minister Day 1000. On my bike

Snoring situation slightly improved. (Nights I have spent in spare room = 12. Nights wife spent spare room because husband slept through repeated poking = 1). Mmmm…..

Cycling is going well. Getting fitter and faster, and losing weight – off everywhere but my stomach. Have thinner arms and tree trunk legs. Started to wear cleats instead of using toe straps. Off the bike, I end up waddling like an overweight duck. On the bike, they are great and much safer. But there have been a few Jiminy Snicket moments where I have forgotten to unclip before junctions and those dreaded zig zag barriers that are placed across cycle-paths. These things are like the chicanes of Peterborough’s famed Green Wheel (which, before I started cycling point, I assumed was some kind of Environmentally Friendly Chinese Takeaway). The good news is that the cleat will always release if you fall off. The bad news that before this happens, you endure the sheer embarrassment of reaching out and clinging on to anything solid for dear life, before you eventually topple. I heard of one guy who once unclipped on one side but tried to get off on the other!

So the big change this summer, which most people won’t be aware of, is that I have taken to my cycling. To be honest, biking down to the Church from the manse is not exactly the most demanding exercise. Of course, there is much more to my role than just Brookside, and so when I am not with you at the Church I am biking everywhere…apart from Oundle and Elton, which are doable but probably need me to stay for the whole day to make the round trip viable. The only other evidence is me sneezing as I remove or put the bike back in the garage (apparently I can be recognised by my sneeze), a wobble as I cross the road, or a second thought as drivers pass me and then realise afterwards who I am. I thought that this whole thing would be radical to people, but wherever I go I have had nothing but encouragement as I hear from people who they themselves, or their relatives, biked everywhere – and I mean everywhere – in years past. Personally, I find that it is proving an excellent way to stay fit, and give me some thinking time between appointments.

This has been such an eye opener. The cycle paths take you places where you would not reach if you were travelling by road, and give you a different perspective on the communities we serve. I can see where the areas of wealth and poverty are. Like walking the dog, I say hello to people that I would not normally meet. And I am learning so many lessons about myself. Years ago my chosen sport was running, and even though I had tried cycling I had never taken to it. Now I am having to learn something new, and perhaps this relates to how we feel our own way at Brookside as we continue to find a way or organising and planning that works for us. First and foremost, despite my fears (especially with cleats), there have been no great accidents. There have been moments of real insecurity – most people fall off at some time – there have even been bruises (I fell off whilst practising on my back patio!) Ultimately, though, all has gone well. I have been anxious about having to cycle in traffic (you have to account for the failings of other drivers opening doors, accelerating past – not that cyclists are immune from moments of thoughtlessness either of course). Travelling via a new route can be challenging. Am I lost? Will I get there on time?  On the other hand, sometimes my breath is taken away – like at the back of Crowland, or the route down to Caistor and Ailsworth – by the sheer beauty that I had not expected to find. Often I am encouraged when I see how different parts of our road system connect….’Oh I see, I know where I am now….that is the road to so-and-so.’ I find that I have to plan meticulously what I must carry; phone, locks, replacement inner tubes, puncture patches, keys, emergency money, notes, laptop, clothes to change into, shoes….and clerical collar! And then I have to get my leg over not just the frame, but the pannier! Winter, no doubt will bring about its own challenges.

I have found that sometimes, disasters aren’t necessarily disasters – or particularly disastrous. One day I set out to cycle to church for a Sunday morning service and the chain snapped whilst I was going uphill over the Brotherhood interchange. It then jammed between the wheel and the derailleur, snapping the derailleur in half. (I have since replaced this old bike). Calmness and logical thinking prevailed; I had three options; lock the bike and call for a taxi and get straight to church; take the bike in the taxi and go home (the service around Peterborough is excellent); lock the bike, walk home, and drive to Church. In the end, the latter prevailed, but the lesson for me was that what at first might seem like a disaster is ultimately manageable – and there are in fact multiple options. I arrived at Church in my car, dressed in cycle kit (which left the steward a bit confused), and changed with 20 mins to spare!

Perhaps trying new things is always a good idea. And perhaps many of our anxieties, even when they happen, do not turn out to be the disaster that we had initially feared.

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The Secret Life of a Methodist Minister Day 692: Don’t forget the joy of the game

Caramac: Surprisingly few. In fact, my diet has suffered more of a tremor than a wobble. Graduated, in the heat and under extreme pressure from hayfever, from Caramac to Hagen Daz Ice-Cream x2 (Strawberry Cheesecake Flavour). Have put weight on but still fit comfortably into clothes. Caramac melts anyway.
Alcohol: Hardly any – it is just too hot to drink anything – and who wants to drink a pint of one thing knowing that more than a pint comes out of the other end. Have settled for cold, fruit based drinks.
Coffee: There has been a restriction on coffee based beverages due to cost implications, and the threat that I should have to get a Van Haigh card or something – but aren’t they only for retired people? I continue to sponge off the supernumerary ministers at their support group – using their loyalty cards when I buy a round – and pretend that I am Graham Tooth, Ray Garfoot, David Parkes, Jo Goodridge – or their wives. Will by my own discount card in the future.

I have had complaints that there have been few Secret Life entries and these are warranted. I went through a ‘This is really important, people need to hear this’ phase as I felt the need to underline how The Methodist Church and we as a circuit and local churches needed to remember our calling to ‘Advance the Christian Faith’. I hope this was helpful to people. I felt a bit Thatcheresque, laying down the law before the idea of closure enters our minds as some acceptable option, preventing us from thinking creatively about how we live out Our Calling….I had this image in my head of the Lady with the Handbag saying, ’You turn if you want to. This Lady’s not for turning.’ I hope it does not end for me as it did for her. I remember the riots and when the resignation was announced in our lecture theatre at York University! Seriously though, there comes a time when we discover what I….we…are all about. And so the Secret Life stopped. But now it is back by popular demand.

Summer is upon us. Our women’s national football team are number three in the world – it was a slightly surreal experience as the tables were turned for most blokes. Did you notice how, that not once did anyone make any comparisons to the men’s game such as…’They are rubbish, you are not; There was the killer own goal in the semis – a cruel blow – but to judge the side on that alone would be tabloid journalism. Murray lost Wimbledon – or perhaps it would be better to say that he managed to get through to the semi’s. The England Cricket team looked good in Cardiff and then collapsed under the weight of a really scary bodyline fast bowling attack at Lords. Mitchel Jonson looks like an animal when he runs in. I would not blame them. I would just run away. Here’s hoping that the Lion might roar in the third test.  There is something Kingdom like in the nature of sport. We try to make our own Kings and Queens, which is never a good idea. We are filled at times with our own sense of dominance and prowess until, the Australian Batsman Chris Rogers sees the grandstand moving at Lords and retires with a dizzy spell due to an ‘ear problem’…or the cruel bobble of a ball or a limb in the way destroys everything. We go for gold and forget the joy of playing the game so easily. We need both.

It is becoming a repeated message – but an important one. When I look at Wimbledon I see similarities with what we do at Church. In one sense Wimbledon should all be about the tennis. But in another sense it is not. It is something that is at the heart of British culture and whilst the two do not collide, what the ball does should be more important. And so it is with Church. Some of what we do at Church is bedrock. Other aspects of what we do at Church is cultural decoration. Lest we take our eyes off the ball, we need to remember what is important and celebrate the rest, so long as it does not get in the way.

 

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The Secret Life of a Methodist Minister. Day 531: An admission of madness

Alcohol: 1 bottle, over 1 week (on holiday)
Treats: Almost a full bar of white chocolate (someone else started it and I had to finish it)
Weight Loss: Now fitting into my 80’s jackets (not a good look!)

It was mental health day the other week. I was a bit disappointed in myself that I did not say much; that I did not make some kind of grand gesture, what with my having been managing my own mental health since the age of 17. I thought about videoing myself and posting it on the web. I still might do that but I was so busy at the time I never got round to it. I did talk to the congregation at Dogthorpe about it – and I think it resonated. I guess I will have to keep doing what I usually do, which is to quietly affirm people that we all have mental health and that managing a mental health problem is no different than managing any other condition that is on a spectrum. After all, we don’t say, ‘Oh no I have got asthma, I need to put my life on hold!’ Or, ‘Oh no I have diabetes, I can’t work!’ These conditions of varying severity and can be managed. I knew that sometime I would fess-up but I figured that it might be best to give it a year. That way they will have had enough time to see get to see me at work under pressure. At least then they will be less likely to think, ‘Do we need to worry about this bloke?’ or ‘Is he telling us this before he cracks up?’

I forgot to add that the most sane person I ever knew was a manic depressive who at one time also suffered from mild schizophrenia. He met every month during the first year of our marriage and prayed with us both. He had a huge impact. Despite his struggles, Andy (that is not his real name) was the most self-aware and balanced human being I have ever met. I think that managing his own mental health meant that he had a kind of mindfulness that was not present in many other people. He had such an ability to discern what was true and what was a product of his condition. At the same time, he was a deeply spiritual guy who did not shy away from the fact that God can speak to us in profound ways. So he could be depressed and yet know at the same time what God was saying. He was so open and honest. I have heard it said before, ‘Don’t worry about those who have a mental health problem and speak openly about it. Worry about those who think that they are sane but in reality are far from it.’ Wise words.

I tried to get across what my brand of mental health struggle feels like. I suffer from Generalised Anxiety Disorder – with the occasional panic attack thrown in. I have gotten used to managing panic attacks now – no-one would know when one begin to rear its head, but they are such an irritant. For a while I felt a unity with others in the congregation who suffered with hot flushes – but could not say anything! I think it will be something that is always with me. There are periods when it is bad and then there are periods when I have no symptoms at all. I just – well- manage it. Generalised anxiety is more than just worry. The way I explain it to people is to get them to think about that feeling of dread that happens before you say have a near-miss in the car. I then tell them to imagine what it would be like if rather than that fear fading, it does not drop down. Then I ask them to think about it the other way. What if your worries build up to a feeling of dread? Imagine what that might feel like. That is what is meant by ‘anxiety’. The trigger for me was a tendency to overwork – or to be working so hard that I don’t allow time to manage the unexpected so when it comes, I push myself too hard and then my body objects. I am a workaholic who is driven, like a lot of people in the Church, by a feeling of guilt about what cannot be easily left undone.

The apostle Paul speaks of how our faith is like treasure in clay jars. I think that to be a mature Christian is to know both have the love and power of Christ in us, but to also know the limits of the clay-jar. I also think that maturity comes from having experienced God’s faithfulness when you are at the lowest point. I believe that healing can come through talking and sharing honestly about how we feel. I hope that there can be no better place for this than the family of the Church. There are so many people who suffer with mental health issues but don’t feel that they can talk about it. Worry not. Having a mental health problem does not make you or me weak. It makes us human. Bizarrely, it can make us more sane than others who have not experienced such trials.

God bless you all.

 

Langley

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